Why do we repress our negative emotions?
We may repress our emotions because we grew up in an environment that doesn’t acknowledge and instead discourages the expression of negative emotions. Our negative emotions may have been invalidated either intentionally or unintentionally by others. Traumatic childhood experiences may also result in emotional repression. As a result, we may have leaned more towards our positive emotions as a coping mechanism.
Repression may sometimes be helpful but only for a short period of time. The truth is the more we repress our negative emotions, the more it gets piled up and the more that it puts us at risk for having an emotional outburst. Our emotions don’t really disappear when we repress them. It can even manifest into physical or psychological symptoms such as muscle tension or pain, heart palpitations, sleeping difficulties, anxiety, and depression.
When we are unable to acknowledge both our positive and negative emotions, we cannot view ourselves as a whole. This then may cause us to have an unrealistic view of ourselves and when this happens, we are likely to fail in assessing the areas that we need help on.
Here are ways on how you can cope with your emotions without repressing them.
Recognize your emotions
Take time in knowing their name. Recognize if it’s anger, fear, worry, sadness, guilt, grief, frustration, disappointment, shame, jealousy, hate, envy, or regret. Validate what you’re feeling. Know that negative emotions are normal. The mere act of identifying the emotion can begin to lessen its weight.
Sit with your emotions
Acknowledge and focus on how you’re feeling. You can write your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Talking it out with someone you’re close to or with a mental health professional can also help you in expressing your emotions. Allow yourself to just be, not attempting to change or fix anything.
Understand what your emotions are telling you
Try to dig deeper into your emotions. Understand what triggered the emotion. You can do this by asking yourself:
“What triggered my emotion?”
“What is the reason why I am feeling like this?” It is also important to ask yourself
“What is my emotion trying to communicate to me?” and
“What does it suggest that I need right now?”
However, it is important to know that there are emotions that may arise even if there is no trigger or actual problem. It is then important to have awareness of the emotion and the manifestations that it has including physicalsigns. By being aware and in tune with our emotions, you can prepare when certain emotions show up again and it enables you to manage them more effectively.
Choose a helpful response
Once you understand what your emotions are trying to tell you, think of what would be helpful for you and the circumstance that you are in.
If there is a problem triggering the emotion that you are feeling, you can find a solution to it and act on it.
If your emotion is a false alarm and seems to be no cause for it, you may tolerate and find ways to release the emotion. Here are some of the ways that can help you release the emotions you are feeling:
Take deep breaths.
It may be easy to overlook your breathing but this will allow your body to instantly calm itself. You can start by finding a comfortable position. You can try on the 4-7-8 breathing exercise wherein you inhale through your nose with a mental count of four, hold your breath for a count of seven, and exhale completely through your mouth to a count of 8.
Use positive self-talk.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, you can repeat calming phrases to yourself such as “It’s going to be okay” or “You can do this.” You can say it in your head or as loud as you want.
Engage in physical activities.
Research shows the physical activities do not only have benefits on physical well-being but it can also enhance your mood and overall emotional well-being by the release of feel-good chemicals known as endorphins. Some physical activities are walking, running, biking, yoga, dancing, and sports.
Practice mindfulness exercises. One example is the five senses mindfulness exercise. It can be done by noticing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Try visualization.
Try painting a mental picture of your happy place. This can be a real or imaginary place that makes you feel happy, safe, and peaceful. Focus on the sensory details as you envision yourself to be there. What do you see, smell, hear and feel? Try keeping this image in your mind until you feel calmer.
Seek professional help.
Feeling negative emotions is perfectly normal but if you feel like they’re too much to handle and you need a hand in dealing with your emotions, you can always seek professional help.
Recognizing and acknowledging negative emotions is normal and acceptable. Continuously repressing your emotions is just like sweeping them under the rug, it would then be difficult for you to clean it up when they have already accumulated. Facing your emotions as soon as you feel them lessens the weight that it has on you.
When they come, let them in but only for a time. Remember not to let them dwell in you. Decide to make an appropriate response as soon as you can so your emotions won’t consume you.